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I’d love to tell you the following advice is from professionals and experts, but I can’t. I’m too busy right now to interview anyone. So here are tips from a mother of four young children (me) on learning to let go a little (I’m a perfectionist, so this didn’t come easy) and, with some luck, getting your kids to cooperate this season. One caveat, you know your kids best, so my age suggestions may not be appropriate for all kids.
Shopping
If you can’t leave the kids at home, stash snacks in your purse, no matter what time of day you go out or how close to the next meal. Food does wonders! Even better if there are special snacks that they only get when you go out shopping. I keep baggies of raisins, mini-marshmallows, pretzels, goldfish crackers, or animal crackers in my purse. Lifesavers are good if your children are old enough to suck on one instead of crunching through it and asking for more every ten seconds.
Be on the lookout for surprise freebies, especially in grocery stores, such as cookies, cut-up fruit, and cheese samples. Sometimes things they won’t eat at home are suddenly appetizing when your kids are bored, and the item is presented in a cute little sample cup.
An important note: in my experience, bribing them with food ("If you're good, you'll get these") rarely works and often gives you a bigger head ache than before. Be pre-emptive and give them a snack while everyone is happy and before the kids get out of hand.
Holiday Cards
Can’t seem to get the cards done while the kids are awake, and by the time they’re in bed, you’re spent, right? If you enjoy writing out the cards and making them “just so” like I do, then the next bit of advice is going to require some yoga-like breathing.
Let the kids help.
Let your 2-year-old scribble in the cards to your closest relatives who will undoubtedly find it cute. Or just give her a brand new card with which to do whatever she likes. If you’re lucky she will scribble in it and give it to you. If you’re not so lucky, you’ll find it in the toilet.
Let your 4-year-old work next to you making his cards out of construction paper. If he’s making them out to the same people you are, then show him you are adding his card in with yours so he knows he’s contributing. Don’t keep the postage stamps within his reach, though.
Your 6-year-old can put on stamps and address labels. Just be sure to tell her not to seal the envelopes until they’ve all been addressed!
Your 8-year-old can write out addresses, at least to the same relatives who find the baby’s scribbles adorable. This is a great time to tell him why you go through the trouble of writing out cards and let him do a few on behalf of the family. The operative word here is “let,” meaning that you are allowing him to help, not that you are lecturing and forcing the issue. You should only do that if you never want to receive a card from him as an adult because he now hates cards.
Decorating
Have them use construction paper to make decorations for the windows while you’re busy nearby. I love decorating the tree, but other than the lights and the angel at the top, my kids completely decorated our tree this year. The entire bottom half is bare because the baby won’t leave the tree alone. It’s sweet and absurd at the same time and probably the best-looking tree we’ve ever had.
Wrapping Gifts
Let your 4-year-old go to town on grandma’s non-breakable gift with some tape and colorful newspaper (comics and grocery ads) while you do some other wrapping. Your 6-year-old can help tape, cut ribbon, and stick on bows. Your 8-year-old can fill out gift labels.
Cleaning
Things will never be as clean as when you do it yourself, but enlisting the kids has numerous benefits. You’ll be surprised how well they do with encouragement and easy-to-follow instructions. Everyone except my almost-2-year-old has weekly chores, and even she routinely likes to help out. My kids earn change for their piggy bank for anything they are willing to do beyond what they are expected to do. This works out great for me before company comes.
We listen to their music while we clean, and because we all work at once, it fosters a team spirit. Give each kid his or her own to-do list (draw pictures for the younger ones). Besides helping them to remember everything, lists are more official and important.
Do not put multiple kids on the same job in the same room because it will lead to dusters used as swords, laundry all over the floor, and mopped children instead of mopped floors. Divide and conquer!
The 2-to-4-year-old set are surprisingly good dusters. They can follow you around either re-dusting (no harm there) or dusting things low to the ground that you never bother to dust but really need it. This is assuming you don’t have a lot of breakable knick-knacks. If you do, I suggest you either get rid of the knick-knacks, or get rid of the kids.
Kids 6 years and up can sort clean laundry into piles, fold socks, and put away their folded clothes. I give my energetic 4-year-old one or two pieces of clothing at a time and have him race to put it away and get back to me by the time I have the next item ready.
Fill a clean spray bottle with half water and half vinegar and give it, along with paper towels, to your 4-year-old to clean the bottom halves of windows (where he can reach without a stool and where all his finger- and nose-prints can be found). If he can’t be trusted with a whole roll of paper towels, fold one into a kid-friendly size and have him come back for more when it’s too dirty and wet. Give your 6-year-old a damp sponge and challenge him to find the true color of the baseboards. An 8-year-old can clean the kitchen table along with kitchen and bathroom counters.
Cooking
Kids can wash dishes or load the dishwasher, but don’t introduce this during the holidays. Kids 4 and up can rinse fruit and veggies and open up cans while you cook. Don’t get too ambitious! Save anything that’s messy or needs heavy supervision for non-hectic times. When my son was three, he wanted to help decorate his sister’s birthday cake. I caught him just before he used the pepper mill all over my beautifully frosted cake.
One Last Note
Nothing works 100% of the time, and when it doesn't, breathe deeply! Remember, when they turn into little monsters, they feed off your tension, so keep telling yourself to remain calm. Their attitude is often a reflection of your own.
If you can muster a truly silly act to really throw them off their guard, go for it. Unexpectedly skip through the room with a bow stuck to your nose and sing “I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas.” Even if they wind up putting you in a padded room for the holidays, I bet you’ll be in there laughing (bonus: you’ll have avoided all the after-holiday clean-up). Just don’t do anything that you don’t want to see them imitate over and over and over (or telling all the guests at dinner).
Keep everyone busy this season and keep repeating through clenched teeth, "'Tis the season to be jolly!" And if none of this works, don't blame me. I'm not a professional.
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